Monday, March 29, 2010

"You Want Vacation? Go to Cabo St. Lucas."

Sorry my blogs have been so few and far between. I know my mom is annoyed particularly by this. This, I promise, will be long and funny, so hopefully it will quench your thirst for Annie.

So, I just got back from St. Petersburg, Russia. Which is ridiculous. I don't know how to even describe it. Since St. Petersburg is the "European" Russian city, (per Peter the Great's wishes) it looks very much like any other European city. And the palaces are like Versailles on crack, because the Czar's had no budget (probably because they didn't care if the common folk had only borscht and potatoes to eat). But aside from aesthetics, Russia is nothing like Western Europe. For example, the first day we got there are guide "welcomed us" with the most fatalistic speech I've ever heard in my life. I couldn't stop laughing. She said, "Welcome to Russia. It is so cold here always, if you get two days of sun in a month, you are lucky. It is always cloudy." And then she gave us a tour of buildings, etc. and pointed out the KGB building and she said, "Here is joke, building is so high you can see Siberia from window." And we're thinking, that's a horrible joke! That's like me saying, want to hear a joke? Aids in Africa. Haha! But anyway... I was doing a Russian accent and embellishing her speech a little with thinks like, "You want vacation?! Go to Cabo St. Lucas. You want potato and cold, you come Russia. It is shit hole. Always, shit and cold." Which I think ending up annoying people around me, but I wouldn't let it die because it was so epically funny to me.

Also, we had a cultural presentation at the University on "Russian Time". Examples of this include stores closed in the middle of the day with a sign that says only "on break". No "back at 10" no "Break 1-2" just "on break". Also the mailboxes have signs that say, "Mail picked up once daily between 9am-5pm". Which is it?! And what if you drop it off at 10am, and they had picked it up already, but the next day they didn't pick it up until 4:30pm? That's two days your mail sat in the box. What if you had to pay a bill?! This isn't a concern apparently, you know I would go insane in this society. Oh and also, the buses are so inefficient, that we walked daily to the University, an hour walk, because the bus literally would take an hour as well. We tried it once, the walkers beat the people on the bus. Can you imagine? If that was the case in New York there would be riots on the street. No wonder the people are so fatalistic... nothing works!

But aside from "Russian time" and general pessimism, I loved Russia. I just couldn't ever spend substantial time there. And as cliche as it sounds, it made me SO glad I was American. We met with students from the Russian University one night and most of them were really cold and unwilling to chat with us, for example, this one kid Leni (who I kept calling Lenin because I thought he said that was his name, which, you know, might not have endeared him to us...) after a painful forced 10 minutes of conversation in an awkward silence says to us, "You know Stalin..." Done. Stick a fork in it, the conversation is officially cooked. And another group of girls had a conversation with me and some other students that went like this, "So you're studying English as a major, have you ever been to America?" "No." "Do you want to go?" "No." "So do you not like American culture?" "No." Ok... But there was one girl who was really interesting and friendly, and I chatted with her for like an hour, which upset all the guys because she was gorgeous and they wanted to chat her up. But she said, for example, that a Russian Car, the Lada, is so bad that she would rather have a 1994 used Opel than a brand new 2010 Lada. That's bad. Also, she said that bribes are common place with police officers. She said that for minor traffic violations they'll say, "Let me see your license" and not give it back unless you pay them the equivalent of about 50 U.S. dollars. She also said that the government arrested a poor rural teacher (teachers, she said, are paid about 200 U.S. dollars a month...NOT enough to live on) for taking a 2$ bribe--when police men take upwards of 5000$ a month. To "set an example". As someone studying to be a teacher she was pretty furious over it.

And it's like that, some people are so warm and friendly, like we met people in bars that bought us rounds, like 6 or 8 of us in a group, when we probably have WAY more money than they do, and wanted to talk with us about everything--and then the students who said basically they hated Americans. It's a weird contrast. But the city itself, is AMAZING. See the pictures of the palaces on my facebook. It's all gold and lapis lazuli and jasper and shit like a golden peacock watch, while peasants starved to death. No wonder there was a revolution. But the palaces weren't the highlight of the trip, that was easily Friday with the ballet and the Baltica beer tasting.

Baltica started in 1991 after the fall of the Soviet Union, so Steve and I kept joking, "well it has to be good, they had, oh, almost 20 whole years to perfect the recipe." You know, in contrast to, since 1884 or whatever you see on most beers. And after a tour of the factory, which was really boring (I asked the guy if it would be like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory, which he didn't understand at all and said, "There is a chocolate factory in the city center...") we got to taste the beer. They had three tables, and they split our group of 25 into threes with maybe 20 beers on each table, and gave us an hour to "taste". Our table KILLED the beers. We were all kind of drunk at like 3 in the afternoon. It was awesome. And I knocked over a beer with my boob while I reached for something, and then said, "I don't blame myself" to which Eliza responded, my FAVORITE quote of the trip, "If you kill someone with your boobs, they're still your boobs..." On facebook you can see the laughter that ensued afterwards.

Then to the Russian ballet, which was beautiful and amazing, but it was also really hot in the theatre after being in the cold all day, so even with my badass opera glasses I was pretty ready to go by the time the two hours were up. Then I went out to a club with some IESers and we saw an IMPRESSIVE array of rat tails and wife beaters. Also, I participated in a contest where I had to fill an empty glass squeezed between a guys legs, with a squirt gun from a distance. I won, and we got a HUGE fishbowl full of alcohol. Are you proud, Mom?! Again, pictures on facebook.

So now I am back in Berlin, and moved into my new place, which is huge and lovely. Steve showed me around Shoenenberg, and it is also great. Cafes, bars, shopping, great food, parks, people watching, I wish I would have moved sooner! And my host mom was such a bitch she didn't even bother to say goodbye. She was over at her boyfriend's when I moved out. Which is fine with me, I didn't want her watching me anyway. But seriously, what a bitch! My new host family is awesome, a ten year old boy, a thirteen year old girl, a Swiss student, and the mother. We all had homemade noodles together last night and I spoke only German, it was great! Just like the Lipps and what I wanted. I missed that!

I'm off to Prague to meet up with Andrew from D.C. for Easter, something which I can hardly wait for...I love Andrew! And I also get to go to Leipzig to see the Lipps and then Munich for Spring fest! Thanks Mom and Dad! :-)

Monday, March 15, 2010

Back from Scotland

Several Updates:

Firstly, I am moving. I am soooooo happy about it. I haven't really mentioned my host mother that much in my blog, or at least I don't think I have. It's not that she's MEAN per say, it's that she is NEVER there, and weirdly passive aggressive. I feel very unwelcome and uncomfortable in the house. From the beginning, she was an hour late picking me up from IES, and my room wasn't clean or ready, and she hadn't bought groceries with which to cook the first meal (which is REQUIRED). I thought maybe she's just a little bit scatter brained, but no, she cleans and cooks and goes all out whenever HER VISITORS come over. But for me, who would be staying for the next couple months, she didn't bother to make a good first impression. Like, come on! And bowlgate, 2010, I'm sure I've mentioned this. The bowl I dropped that she CANNOT let go. So I talked to Ella the housing lady, and came at the situation like, "I don't know if there is a cultural thing, but we don't seem to be getting along, what can I do?" And when I described the situation to Ella, it was she who suggested I move. She found the house for me a couple hours later, it's in Schönenberg, which is a more traditionally "Berliny" area, Pankow is like old GDRers, which in all honesty are kind of backwater. But S-berg is super hip and trendy, and Steve, my bff in IES lives there, which will make it a lot more fun for me. And Ella took me to visit the apartment, and it's huge and beautiful, very traditional European with an amazing kitchen complete with espresso maker. And my new host mother is very sweet and calming, she has two children, a boy, 10, who is hilarious and a daughter, 13 who stayed in her room but whatever. And there will be a Swiss exchange student who is in the IES German Intensive program which meets downstairs from the Metropolitan Studies program I am in, which means I'll have someone my own age to speak ONLY German to. That's another plus, they speak ONLY German. I should come back fluent.

So, with that sorted out, the only problem is that I can't move from my current apartment until after the St. Petersburg trip which is this Sunday to next Saturday, so needless to say conditions in my apartment are icy and awkward, at best. I'm trying my hardest to just be as pleasant and clean as I possibly can be, keep my head down and stay out of her way until I can leave. Needless to say, I was very happy to be able to be out of the apartment and in Scotland this weekend, but I would have been happy to be in Scotland anyway.

Firstly, Edinburgh is breathtakingly beautiful. I don't know why people from the United States aren't flocking to visit, it's definitely on par with Paris or Rome or London or, I don't know, anywhere in beauty. When the plane landed, your eyes are flooded with castles and beautiful hills and mountains, against a backdrop of the greenest landscape you've ever seen. I was shocked. I guess I shouldn't have been, but I went in search of cool accents and pub food...I had no idea it was so cultured and gorgeous as well.

Evelyn and I got off the plane and into a taxi, and we couldn't meet up with people we knew until later--so we just asked the taxi driver to take us to a main street where pubs and shopping would be. And he's like, okay. Actually, I had been told the main street was "princess street" or at least that's what I understood it to be, but actually it's "Princes street" and the accent just through me off. So I asked the taxi driver, like an idiot, to go to Princess St. and he didn't correct me. So he probably just thought I was American, thus retarded. Sorry guys, poor representation. But so, Evelyn and I went to a pub and ordered the most Scottishy things we could find, Scottish Breakfast for me, which is the ultimate Smorgasbord of meat, potatoes, toast, beans, etc. And I wanted black pudding. But I settled for fish and chips, because this pub didn't have black pudding. Lame.

Later, Evelyn and I met up with our friends from Scotland, and we cooked dinner at their apartment with them and tried meat flavored potato chips; they have smoky bacon, roast chicken and rosemary, etc. Seriously, this country. And the guys, which are the guys we met in Sweden, are so funny. I just like to listen to them make jokes with each other and banter because they're all so different and they get along so well. Bain, for instance, kept making prank phone calls (I know, are we six?!) pretending he was from "The British Nationalist Party" which is like the Nazi party. He said he was renting a conference room and needed the hotel's policy on cross burning, lynching, etc. He also invited the Indian phone man to join. And everyone goaded Lewis into telling the most racist joke I've ever heard, but in a Scottish accent, it sounds charming instead of racist. The punch line is "only for a chocolate biscuit" but in a sing-song voice in heavily accent English. So great.

The next day, Evelyn went off with some friends of hers she met in Berlin that also live in Edinburgh, and I went on a tour with Lewis and Chris, and Chris does tours for a hostel so he was very well-informed. Highlights included, the cafe where J.K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter, Edinburgh Castle featuring statues of William Wallace and Robert the Bruce, the "Thistle Do" Shop (I said, oh like Braveheart, and Lewis said, "yeah, we actually got our national flower from that movie. And Mel Gibson's our prime minister now.") and the tax emblem that all the Scots spit on because it used to be where they had to pay taxes to England. It was super quaint and there were children in the meadows playing rugby and soccer, and everyone is so friendly. I might move immediately.

It was a great weekend, despite the 7 am flight back, and me, like an idiot, getting on the wrong train and going through bumble-fuck nowhere German countryside before finding my way back to Berlin. The whole ordeal took about 2 hours. Ooops!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Home Again

In my past posts you've heard me complain that some of the French are less than friendly... I have heard that Parisians have this wretched reputation and thus was somewhat hesitant about my decision to go...however, what I expected was to be proven completely wrong as most stereotypes often are. Like, "How could I ever have misunderstood?!" but in fact, this stereotype is correct. The French--especially the Parisians--are ASSHOLES. I think it's a conspiracy. Paris is so beautiful, and the first day I was walking through thinking, "Why doesn't EVERYONE live here?!" The Parisians relize this would be the consenus. So I imagine they think, "We must keep zeese 'orrible tourists from swarming our beautiful city! 'Ow can we do zis? Ah, we will be ass'oles to all of zem and zen zey will not come back." Mission Accomplished. As beautiful as Paris is, trust me, I'll be combing the German country-side before I curse myself to deal with their bullshit again.

I last wrote Wednesday, in bewteen my multitide of classes...but after my bright. blood-red, Parisian makeover. Thursday, I had no class and spent the day, by myself, exploring the Musee D'Orsay and the Centre Pompidou, the modern museum. Even though I was alone I kept running into people from the trip, so I'd be staring at this giant mounted cloth vagina (definitely the modern art musuem) and suddenly Laurel would be next to me. The Musee D'Orsay was easily one of my favorite things the entire trip. I took about a million pictures of the Van Gough's and Monets, which in person, are so breathtakingly beautiful the prints look like finger paintings. And the Centre Pompidou, well the building looks like a giant hamster tunnel. And the art itself, was all done by women in some sort of Feminism exhibit. Which was really cool sometimes, but bizarre in others. Cool, movie poster of "The Birth of Feminism" staring Pam Anderson as Gloria Steinem, bizarre, footage of a women in a Burka riding a stationary bike. It was like that, some of the stuff was very cool and tongue-in-cheek feminist, and some of it was like, "wait? What?!"

Thursday night was also a huge amount of fun. About 13 kids from IES went to this International Students Club. First, however, we wanted to sit at a bar and have some wine, there was this sign that said, "Flam's Restaurant" and we were like, "We must eat here!" Mike was on fire cracking jokes like, "Man, why do you always want to go to Flam's after the game?" or "I want to take you out to Flam's!" which don't sound funny now as I write them, but in the situation I was doubled over laughing. And so our group was like, "With a name like Flam's we have to go in." The joke got even better, because they wouldn't seat us. They said our group was too big, but that was could STAND COLLECTIVELY IN A CORNER and be served beer, while loitering over people's food. Essentially, we were denied access from FLAM'S, which is basically Belgian Applebee's. So to us, that was hysterical. And we then went to the quintesstial, adorable French bar, but we kept on saying, "I don't know, it's no Flams's". And then we went to this club, again the joke continued, with us comenting, "we got into the club as a group of 13...but not Flam's." The club itself, as I said, was an international students club, so it was all tourists and lame (we wore stickers with our home country's flag)--but it was a good time and everyone in the group was getting along and having fun.

Friday was my frantic scramble to get everything I hadn't done and seen in. I went to Napoleon's Tomb with Kai, Kyle, Sam, and Steve. And then we had Thai Curry for lunch, which, admitedly, failed at being very French. Then I went to the Pantheon on my own to see Victor Hugo's tomb, also there in the crypt, Voltaire, Rousseau, and Dumas. Then I went and traipsed around Gallery LaFayette, lusting over the expensive designer items I will never be able to afford. After a delicious dinner at Plan B, (complete with Red Wine, thanks IES!) I went with Jessica to a little cafe to have wine and people watch. All in All, it was an amazing little get-a-way, although Berlin is friendlier, cheaper, and way more fun. One of the best aspects of the trip though, was getting to spend time and socialize with people from IES I don't normally hang out with, which is mainly a proximity issue. Everyone on the trip is really interesting in their own way, and really funny to be around. I, however, am looking forward to being able to walk down the street without being looked at like a walking piece of Dog shit (thanks for the confidence boost parisian women!). P.S. New York is still better!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

En Paris...

Sorry, this will have to be short. I am, as we speak, in Paris, sitting in the basement of IES abroad Paris office. Thank God I am at IES Berlin. The computer lab of IES Paris is soooo old. I think this computer is from 1992. It miiiiight have a DOS operating system. I think if I print something I will have to tear off the edges. It's THAT old.

Speaking of Old things, I am loving it in Gay Paris! Since I've arrived its been a charmed trip. Firstly, not only did I get the window seat on the flight over, but I also got the emergency exit row, meaning lots of extra leg room. In addition, the flight was at night and as we landed I saw the Eiffel Tower, lit up, and twinkling. It only twinkles once every hour. And we got it on our descent. Magic. Following that lucky streak, I also had my own room in the hotel. That first night I went with a couple IES people to a small creperie and sat and had crepes and red wine. So...continuing the stream of good luck, the next morning the sky was a beautiful blue, not a cloud, and it was warm and breezy. Extra good news because we had an open top bus tour of the city, which would have sucked in rain and cold. After the tour, Steve, Quinn and I walked to the Bastille, which was about an hour trek, but it was gorgeous. We went to Notre Dame and took pictures, parused the little shops (I bought a mirrored compact with the quintessential Victorian French Pin-Up. She's topless AND has hairy pitts) and watched skateboarders while eating yet more crepes slathered in nutella. As a group we had a delcious meal of pastry and mushroom, beef, and apple tarts for desert. To cap off the perfect French day, after dinner, I drank some champagne and walked to the Eiffel Tower to watch it twinkle and drink along the banks of the Seine. C'est parfait!

Tuesday (Yesterday) our group went to Versailles and the good weather continued. I got tons of pictures of the palace and the gardens, my favorites being Steve, Kyle, and Mike as the angle statues in the garden complete with frollicking, and Steve and Me in a picture reflected in the hall of mirrors flashing gang signs. After Versailles I sat in a cafe and had coffee with IES people. It's so great to people watch in Paris. Everyone is so chic. It's not at all like Berlin. Berlin is dull and cloudy and the people are bohemian... in Paris it's light and airy and the men and the women have SUCH style. It's honestly a feast for the eyes. Everywhere you turn there are breathtakingly beautiful people, buildings, and views. As a group we met for a boat tour along the seine, which wasn't as picturesque as it sounds. It was a little campy and cold. Afterwards, Sam and I went to St. Suplice, which is a small church featured in "The Divinci Code" which has the Prime Meridian marked. We ended up late for dinner as a result, much to Heather's dismay.

Today I had 3 classes, which have been at IES. In my short break I went shopping and had a makeover, Parisian style at a cosmetic counter. Complete with kohl eyes and BRIGHT red lipstick. I have been strutting around feeling like hot shit all day. Some of the Parisians have most definitely been feasting their eyes upon me! I know this is woefully short and I'll try to fill in some details. I have class now... it's been amazing and I will post pictures! I am going to a Parisian bar tonight, my first real taste of nightlife, so we'll see what I make of it. Au Revoir!